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Like everyone else I know with either a life or a clue but with not enough sense to back either of them up, I was dragged kicking and screaming onto Facebook. I didn't want to go. I'm perfectly happy with my verbosity here at LJ. It's not perfect, not at all, but what the hey. Ah, but to get updates on my friend's dire health status (which proved terminal), The Book of Faces proved more universal, more accessible (LJ gets banned by NannyBots at work) and more general. So I signed up.

Yes, I signed up, but I just don't trust them. And that lack of trust may very well be justified.

If you haven't been, FB uses a very cross-pollinating format. On the right bar of your Home page (the equivalent of the LJ Friends Page), FB has a variety of crap, like plugs for the games (one of which I've mentioned before), ads from donuts to girlie honey shots, and friend suggestions. They implore you to suggest friends for your friends, to consider friends with common friends, and -- most insidious of all -- they suggest friends without noting the connection you may or may not have to them.

This latter only pops up once every four or five sessions, at least for me. Still, it's eerie. Let me explain.

Recently, a face I remember from childhood popped up, the sister of a good friend. We're both older, but still. That was just yesterday.

Months ago, I saw a face I have seen once in public and in several LJ pics, that of [livejournal.com profile] cobalt999. There he was, pictured amongst six other suggested friends-to-be, along with (as is FB policy) his real name. He and [livejournal.com profile] csn were traveling some time ago -- two years? three? They put out the "anyone wanna meet" on LJ, and I agreed. We chatted and had a fine Korean lunch, then took in a few sights. All went well. That was weird -- as I'll explain, I promise -- but I thought not much of it.

When I first signed up, a name I recognized but hadn't corresponded directly with or ever met offered to friend me. Curious, I asked him how he got my name. He responded:

If you are a musician or involved in alternatively fueled vehicles that might be the link.


Okay, you've got me there. And I remember him now as the guy with the same kind of electric motorbike as I used to have, but with some modifications. However . . . I never told Facebook about my interests or involvements.

Seriously. In an effort to link me to as many things as they can, FB sent me a page listing those interests I mentioned over a year ago. I took a screenshot of this:



Do any of you see "alternatively fueled vehicles" listed in this page? Anywhere?

It gets better. You might be thinking that FB just took my name and the names of all of my friends and did a meta-analysis, extrapolating likely matches. The schools I've attended, the jobs I've held, the family I've listed, all might be weapons tools at FB's disposal. So, yes, I used to be active on alternative energy email lists. I did attend the same schools as my friend's sister.

But -- and here's the kicker -- I signed up under a pseudonym. Yes, I violated their terms of use. How many days have gone by and I've had to live with the guilt from that misdeed, I know, blah blah blah. Here's my justification, one I wrote in my FB bio:

I feel the internet should be just like sex: Hot, passionate, to the point and, above all, anonymous. Think of it as a memetic glory hole.


I think that about sums up my attitude toward openness on the intertubes, don't you think?

So, all of this press about Facebook circle jerking people because of their privacy policy? It's for real. Let's get some basic numbers. Let's assume they suggest six friends every time I log on to my home page, but I only notice it a couple of times when I see someone I know (confirmation bias). Since I'm seldom there more than twice a month, that makes twelve people I might find interesting friends. Of these, two of them are people I personally have met, but not seen in years. And since I purge my email client regularly, neither of them are even listed in my computer. My friend's sister? I've not mentioned or spoken to her in at least a decade. Last I heard, [livejournal.com profile] cobalt999 lived in Florida, and never lived where I grew up.

That could be a coincidence, but it is a very, very large coincidence. An amazingly large coincidence.

Almost too large. I'd like to know how they create these lists, and how they knew about my unlisted interests.

Oh, and I just discovered a few seconds ago that the skull fucking, shit licking ass suckers were showing my personal email address to more than me. What kind of fucking moron defaults personal email addresses to "La la la, the world should know?" Die, evil pig fuckers, die!!!


Addendum, June 5, 2010: I de-Colberted the Cobalts. See comments.
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