Snappy Dialog

Woman: So the thing vibrates when it rings?

Man: You could spend all day calling yourself.

W: But it isn't waterproof.

M: Wrap it in a condom.

W: . . . .

M: They come without lube, too.

W: Oh, I can't wait to get one.

(Later, place the couple in a hostage situation, bound to chairs, hands tied behind their backs, facing each other)

M: Is that your phone?

W: Oooh, yes.

M: But you can't answer it.

W: How long have you known me? (She gets a zen-like expression of concentration, then, muffled)

"Hello?"

(After they escape with the help of the caller, the phone rings. She extracts it, removes the condom, and opens it. It is a clamshell phone.

(He is flabergasted by the implication: She smiles knowingly, and with great pride.)

Chasin' Brakelights

That's my best job description, I realized today, just one idling machine in a long, long line. It's cool. This is the only job where everyone knows and accepts the reality of the morning and afternoon slogs. The problem is describing an old story in a new way. I've got some ready snappy responses (worked on this morning in, duh, traffic):

"It's my personal policy never to drive faster than the car in front of me."

"I'm that late? Wow, it seems like I've been stuck here much longer."

And, of course, "Just chasin' brakelights."