Chained Monkeys, Typing Their Way To Life As We Know It

As sure as evolution will provoke debate, and as sure as that debate will rage long after the current participants can no longer debate, analogies distilling and dismissing the argumentative fallacies of opponents will be created, and winning analogies will likely become more popular for use in future arguments than others. A few come to mind. One goes, "The chances of life on earth and man evolving are as good as a hurricane striking a junkyard and producing a 747." That one I can dismiss outright, since few junkyards have the working parts, and since there is no way a hurricane, a random, destructive force, do anything more than more completely scatter junk. Also, a 747 is a product, built in a factory; life is very, very different. Life produces itself with itself.

Another, more fitting analogy, though, posits that biological evolution is as likely, statistically speaking, as a bunch of monkeys chained to typewriters producing the works of Shakespeare. I'll grant you, that is far-fetched. And it presents a nice image, often reproduced for comic effect in cartoons. For years, one thing that struck me about this analogy, though, has long been dismissed: ( It works. )

"Produce"

In the aftermath of Katrina, I heard an oil executive sum up the status of his industry. In referring to the off-shore oil platforms in the Gulf, however, he stated that these platforms would soon be able to "produce" again, depending upon the extent of the damage inflicted by the storm.

Produce?

An oil platform at sea is exactly like a derrick drilling on land, which is exaclty like a well tapping water, instead of oil. Do we say water wells "produce?" No, we say that wells "extract." Why? Wells, be they oil or water, simply draw a substance from below the surface of the earth; they do not apply any added value to that substance.

This distinction is similar to my diatribe against the logging industry, and seems to be based upon the various industries' desire to spin their activities in the best possible light. A well cannot produce, no matter that you call the extracted substance that issues from the well "product." Sure, it has value since you can sell it; but until you refine it, adding value to the crude, you have no product. Crude oil remains raw material, placed in the ground by natural forces. It is like freshly scooped mineral ore or a newly-felled tree from an old-growth forest.

Calling any naturally-occurring extracted material a product, be it animal, vegetable, or mineral, is to misrepresent the industry that performs the extraction. Sorry, Folks, natural raw materials can never be considered products. Get over yourselves.