Maverick, My Ass

Okay, folks, rant is on. I am sick of hearing that McCain is a "maverick." Two points on that.

First, "maverick" refers to Samuel Maverick, a Texan of some historical import who ranched, but had very little interest in ranching. I learned of this in grade school, hearing of a horse rancher who refused to brand his horses. The Wiki refers to "cattle," which is a bit stupid for the following reason. In range lands, domesticated horses were sometimes released to graze freely. This gave them access to all that free range food and wild stallions that deepened the domestic gene pool. Later, ranchers would gather their horses, brand the spring foals, and gather the better herd members to sell.

I say the Wiki entry is wrong because while it's difficult to tell a domesticated cow or bull or goat or whatever from a wild one, it's pretty simple with horses. Wild horses have to be broken before they can be ridden. Domesticated horses may have spent some time wandering the range, but they take to the bit and saddle easily. So when other ranchers found saddle-broken horses without brands, they immediately assumed they belonged to Maverick. That's why the term only applies to horses.

What has this got to do with McCain? We hear a lot about politicians "in the pocket" of big oil, tobacco, airplanes, masking tape, whatever. That's fine. As long as we know who is most likely to influence that politician's decisions, we as a nation can make adjustments and play accordingly. It's impossible, though, with "mavericks." With McCain, if he's a "maverick," he's not wild and untamed, he's mild and tamed but unmarked. He is therefore worse than domesticated because he has been broken, he is ridden . . . but no one can tell who rides his ass.

Another point. In Welles, Orson Welles tells his biographer of an encounter he had with an FBI agent during the Cold War. Agents were common in theater, since Hoover thought all entertainers were Commies until proven otherwise. Welles finally cornered the G-Man tailing him and asked him why he was being followed. The Fed said to prove he wasn't a communist. Welles asked him what a communist was. The Fed said, "Someone who gives his money to the government."

Welles pointed out that since he was at the top of the income bracket, he therefore paid 90% of everything he made in income taxes (blame a backlash against the 1940s and 1950s tax structure for the rise of Reagan and others in the party). "I guess that makes me 90% Communist," he concluded.

As pointed out by just about everyone everywhere, McCain voted with Bush 91% of the time Bush was in office. That makes him only 9% "maverick." I guess we can easily see who rides his ass.

So, please folks, let's lay off the "maverick" label, at least as a compliment.

Addendum, Later that Day: It gets better! Samuel Maverick's decendants want McCain to stop using the term to describe himself! It turns out the original Maverick in politics, Maury Maverick, was a fire-brand liberal who fought for social justice. Keeping with this tradition, the family supports Obama! To quote:

It didn't bother us when Ford Motor Company used the Maverick family name for their new car. We didn't care that Tom Cruise's character in Top Gun was named Maverick, and we were amused when Madonna used our name for her record label. It is part of the American vernacular. But when McCain and the media placed it in a political context, using the maverick label as the centerpiece of his presidential campaign, each and every member of this family was appalled. We continue to be.

-- Fontaine Maverick

That is just beautiful.

Time to Shit-Can the Shit Can?

The Wife and I both grew up depositing bodily excreta in American Standard toilets. Last we checked, the toidies that graced our growing asses are still in service some 40 years later. So when we needed to replace the bowl the old owners had managed to install poorly and break, we chose Standard.

Big mistake, it seems.

After only two years, the screws mounting the lid and seat rusted through, cracking the hinges. I took pictures and managed to convince the phone jockey that non-stainless screws are a Bad Idea. He agreed, and sent us a new seat and lid. That was two years ago.

Yesterday, the replacement broke, this time in another manner. This time the plastic hinge simply sheered off after the gentlest of nudges.

This is unacceptable.

A lot of folks whine about consumers abandoning the Made in the USA label. I maintain they do this often for good reason. If the toilet we bought four years ago were made to the same standards as those bought by our parents, there would be no reason whatsoever to abandon the brand. Sadly, the American standards have slipped.

Anyone else have tales of once-admirable craftsmanship recently sinking to the depths of crapmanshit? I need something to keep me occupied as I sit on hold, listening to the endless loop piano tune provided for my enjoyment by the AS-es at the New Jersey corporate office.


Addendum, Later that Afternoon: After spending almost an hour on hold, someone answered.

I just got off the phone with one of the AS-es. Even though the seat was a replacement, and even though it only lasted two years, I am SOL. My only option is to buy a new seat ("The hinges themselves are unavailable"). Furthermore, were I to desire something that has not failed twice in four years, I must upgrade to a $100 seat with hinges made of something other than soft, molded chewing gum.

Let my pain be a lesson: The past is past. Things have changed. American Standard appliances now SUCK.

At All Costs, Avoid American Standard.


Addendum, November 7, 2008: It only gets worse. The flush mechanism snapped last night, forcing us to jerry rig a ribbon that pulls the flapper valve. How very far the once proud manufacturers have fallen.